Loneliness

She had woken up in a castle-like place, the size of a mansion; shorter than what one would consider an actual castle. She had sucked dry every book there, rereading them, analysing them; now she could not bear their sight, including the loveliest romantics; she loved romance. 

She prayed desperately, to be among humans, in human civilization…, to whom did she pray? She did not know, for in her mind, the idea, or the image of God, was vague. She had not previously been someone who prayed much, but she could not help but pray when she broke down these days.

She had filled a closet full of the finest gowns, all sewn and designed by her, something taken up by her to fill her time, using instructive books from the library. She wore them now for the sake of wearing them. The boredom was morbid. She felt the urge to take something, tear it apart, break it, as if she were tearing and breaking boredom. There really was not anyone around for as far as she could get. She climbed to the tops of the hills and didn't see a single fellow human. There was a mountain that she had decided to climb one of those days. She was not motivated enough yet. But cycling. She loved that. It was monotonous in a way. Monotonous movement of one's legs. Something to do. Doing something for the sake of doing something. That was what she was doing. 

One of those days, she was cycling at a rapid pace, huffing, narrowly dodging stones in her path, and going on. She had begun to seriously break, mentally. There were cracks forming in the barrier that kept her emotions in check. She slowed and cycled over to one side of the trail. 

She kicked down the bicycle stand, steadying it on the trailside, and sat down beside it, between the weeds.

With her head in her hands, she breathed heavily. 

What is this place? Am I even on Earth? Is this a mirror dimension? Such were questions that circled around in her head and had been for the last, she could not tell, had it been one month… or five? Maybe three or four? 

The place was beautiful. She had initially thought of it as paradise. But she had no people. No people here. All the joys of life that entailed from socializing or even…if she could just exchange one word with a human, a glance, any connection, something. 

The meaninglessness and purposelessness that she felt now in her life, was crushing. She remembered her old life, as a professor, spending every weekday with loud inquisitive students, the weekends with her friends who had been her friends since they were kids. But she had no recollection of how she got here. She fancied about it being an experiment like the ones that she used to read about in fictional worlds. She journaled these thoughts of hers - in beautiful cursive sometimes, in manic scribbles sometimes, interrupted with doodles.