Emotions 1 - Loneliness

As a kid, there was a time when I thought that loneliness was the worst thing that could happen to you. No matter what you are going through, if you have people with you, it is not so bad. A recent acquaintance on hearing this asked, 'What's worse?' and I replied, 'Concentration camps.'

***

Loneliness can be a heavy incapacitating feeling. Ends up giving you existential crises. Still not as bad as motion sickness, I remind myself. Motion sickness reminds me of how dependent on this body I am for having a sense of self, how much I identify with it. This body in which I am living in this realm is mortal. It is scary. 

An advantage of loneliness is that you end up being more authentic about your likes, dislikes and interests with society not influencing you much.

Will I be able to study with this loneliness? Technically, yes. It is one of the easier challenges of life. To grow, gotta do the easier challenges well first. To gain xp, and level up. I have time, I have books. My health is fine which is something to be very grateful for. I have food, shelter.. And I have way too much stuff with me too. I have forced myself and succeeded in studying all day so many times before. If it is possible, do so, I thought. When I remind myself of that, it gets easier to go on. If I have done it before, I can do it again until one day when I get too old. Gotta speed up, and do a whole lot of things before I get too old. You only live once as far as you can tell, gotta make it worthwhile.

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